


Eternal

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-23
Updated: 2008-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-29 08:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru's reflection on a night filled with romance leads to something larger for both him and his lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eternal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seinen_no](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=seinen_no), [fonulyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fonulyn/gifts).



> For my diexkaorulove Xmas Xhange Version 2.0. Written for seinen_no and fonulyn  
> Request: A romantic evening, with wine and a fireplace and some fluffy happiness (and sex)  
> Due: Jan 5th  
> I hope you guys like it. I don't know why things have been coming out so mushy lately from me. I hope you don't mind it.  
> Beta Readers: Callie  
> Song[s]: "Nothing Fails" by Madonna

Orange, red, blue, and white dance together, licking at black. The shadows on the walls flicker beneath the moving light, casting a certain atmosphere over the entire room. The air smells of cinnamon and vanilla bean. A faint hint of Kaoru's cologne lingers beneath it all, showing just how inherently _him_ the small flat has become.

Die's head rests on the leader's shoulder, a gentle smile caressing his lips. The fingers of his right hand idly twirl a half-full glass of fine red wine. His left hand is curled around Kaoru's smaller hand, his thumb stroking between the lead guitarist's thumb and forefinger.

The fire crackles in the fireplace, ashes popping faintly, lending to the atmosphere. Kaoru looks distant, as though he's thinking of something so deep that no one will ever be able to guess it. In truth, he's certain they wouldn't be able to. His mind is years away, thinking on the future - the future of the band, the future of his and Die's relationship - all of it.

The rhythm guitarist can't help but notice that his lover isn't quite with him in the present, but he doesn't disturb it. He never does. Die figures that Kaoru's reflection is just a part of who he is, something more to love about him. In a way, he's right. Just the way Kaoru does such things tells so much about how much he cares about Die. The very fact that his mind flows from the band to thoughts of their relationship gives away so much. Before Daisuke, the band was Kaoru's life. And now... now the two are equal.

But that itself is a part of his reflection. Two things cannot remain equal forever, a simple fact of life. His thoughts circle that fact, finding enough in it to tell him he needs to settle one above the other. The way he grips Die's hand tighter, the way he moves closer to him, speaks of how much Die means. His eyes slip shut for a moment as contemplation takes him further, pulls him deeper.

Behind his eyelids, he sees the end of an era, the end of what was once Dir en grey. A simple conclusion to the longest chapter of his life. Beyond that, though, he finds comfort. He sees so clearly the way Die looks at him, walks beside him. The look in his lover's eyes every time things could turn into an argument, but never do. The way their bodies fit together in the dead of the night. The romance that brought them together in the first place, remaining stark clear even so far away. Dir en grey is a passing phase, a piece of something not meant to last for eternity. But Die... Die is meant to be his forever.

Die watches Kaoru, studying the way his expression changes. He's thinking on something so hard it's wrinkling between his brows. Die's fingers ache to soothe that mark, to take away whatever it is that has Kaoru so deep in thought. But he doesn't do it, doesn't interrupt. The mood of the entire evening - something set from the first moment Kaoru picked him up for a dinner at the finest restaurant in town, and continued until this very moment - isn't something he wants to break. Rather, he watches, deep brown eyes taking in every subtle nuance that Kaoru provides.

His own thoughts deepen, going beyond the superficial as he studies the other man. The reasons he loves Kaoru filter though his mind, almost an idle contemplation. The way he brings out everything good in Die's nature, just by being around. The way that even if they do fight, the anger slips away so fast. How it feels to have Kaoru's arms around him, holding him so close as he listens to the older man's heart beat out a steady rhythm. Their dynamic, the way they each know the other like they know themselves; something they developed so many years before they found haven in one another's arms.

And then his thoughts turn, following the path of that first night. Kaoru's body beside his own, holding him tight as he fell. An emotion so deep it stung, taken away and replaced by Kaoru's soft words, the soothing movement of his hands. And then the realization of something deeper, a knowledge so profound and deep that it had to be nothing but the truth. In a split second, he'd known he was in love with Kaoru. And in some turn of events, he'd professed it, uncaring of how the elder would respond. Then their eyes had met and Die knew he wasn't alone. In that, Die had found the ultimate comfort.

Unable to resist the urge any longer, his thoughts lingering on the past while Kaoru's linger on the future, Die reaches out, caressing his lover's cheek. His touch is gentle, built to slowly rouse Kaoru from his state. When the other's lashes flutter, Die smiles. "I love you."

Kaoru's lips turn in the slightest hint of a reply, his eyes searching the other man's. "Die... do you ever think on the future?"

A moment of contemplation, and then, "Sometimes."

"And what do you see?" Kaoru turns his gaze away, watching the flames of the fireplace lick at the wood he'd placed there earlier. A symbol in itself, the passing of time, a show of how short life can truly be.

Die considers the question, his mind weighing the possible answers. Which is it that Kaoru seeks at such a time? Life is transient by nature. He can see the end of everything; uncertain as to when, but a truth. But then he can see something closer, a love undying. He too can see the end of the band, an ending sure to occur at some point. But when, he is not to say. Just as the silence seems almost too thick, he finally responds. "I see many things. What is it you're looking for?"

"When you weigh it all... which is it that stands out the most?" Kaoru's voice is soft, but his grip on Die's hand is hard. He needs to find a certain answer. If he doesn't... or if he has to lead Die to it... then now is not the time for what he has in mind. The fingers of his free hand slide into his pocket and he caresses the smooth metal there, a certain need eating at his soul.

"Us." The answer comes without hesitation. It's the simple truth. In Die's mind, the thing that always stands out the most is Kaoru. It's been that way since they started and for Die, it always will be.

A smile, fuller than usual, pulls at the corners of Kaoru's lips. He shifts, releasing Die's hand as he takes the wine glass from his lover's free hand and settles it on the mantle. Kneeling before the other man, he holds out his right hand, motioning for Die's left. It's time... it's been time for a while now. But Kaoru has built tonight around the hope that he wasn't wrong.

Curious, Die tilts his head, his eyes sparkling as he holds out his hand, placing it in Kaoru's own. Thoughts flit through his mind, reasons for why Kaoru is behaving like this, reasons for everything. But he settles for finding out and returns the smile the elder is giving him. It's a beautiful smile, he thinks.

Kaoru slips his free hand into his pocket, grasping the metal there, removing it and holding it clutched tight in his palm. "I see many things when I look to the future. I see the end of what we hold dear to us, the end of Dir en grey, our baby. But then I see so much more, something everlasting beside of that. To me, there is one thing eternal in my life."

His smile falters, his nerves showing through just the slightest. But his eyes burn bright with the fire he calls love. The metal shifts as he tilts his hand, moving it to his fingers, holding it between forefinger and thumb. "The only thing that is forever in my life... is you." His eyes flit over Die's face, taking in the way Die's breath comes faster, the shine of something close to tears in his eyes, the look of unadulterated love in his face. "Die... will you be my forever?"

Die swallows hard, expecting the question moments before it leaves Kaoru's lips. His voice isn't as smooth as he'd like it to be when he speaks, but it shows nothing if not his love for the other man. "If you will be mine." The words are whispered, built for the moment, keeping true to the atmosphere while still being true to his nature.

Kaoru smiles. He smiles wider than he's ever smiled before. His fingers move, sliding the band onto Die's left ring finger, providing him a symbol of their eternity. It fits perfectly, something he's proud of. Without hesitation, he lets go of Die's hand, leaning closer and pulling the other man into his arms, kissing him fiercely.

It's everything either of them ever imagined a moment like this to be. It's sweet and romantic, and at the same time, just as passionate as they've always been with one another. For them, romance has always been surrounded with who they truly are, rather than being something they enact a few times a year for the sake of social norms.

Die slowly leans back, pulling Kaoru with him, their lips never parting. Their hands find all the familiar places, the ones that they each know work the best in moments like these. Bodies move as clothing falls, the conception of the moment. The fireplace crackles in the background, an undertone to the moment, a reminder of everything they ever meant to one another.

Kaoru's body moves above Die's, skin against skin, the warmth of each radiating to the other. The younger holds the older tight, his legs tightening their hold as the passion grows. His voice is a soft cry that echoes from the walls; a beautiful sound. Fluid motion draws them both closer, breath mingling in the warm air of the room.

Time ticks slowly by, pulling them with it, allowing them the taste and feel of the other with every second. The ache grows within both men - the younger whimpering softly as the elder slides his hand between them, giving the extra that he needs. A single cry resounds in the room, a signal as the youngest falls over the edge, his body pulling his lover with him. Kaoru allows himself the softest of moans, a sound muted by the soft skin of his lover's neck.

As they lay there, their bodies so close, and their hearts closer, they realize that this isn't some new step forward. Rather, it is nothing more than another moment to commit to memory, another milestone of what has always been. Their heartbeats slow as their hands move to soothe one another. The fire crackles and the night moves on.

**The End**  



End file.
